The Little Women

I want you to see, baby. I want you to see that we’re just a human as much as anybody. That Mama sometimes cry and a little sappy, that she might even cry when she’s angry. Your Papa is generally funny but  he might be quiet when he’s worry. We love hard & play hard but of course we still fight, we talk good and do good but mistakes will still be made. I want you to know that it is okay to be mad when you’re angry; to be sad when you’re lonely, to be jelly, to feel icky and to  experience any emotions other  than feeling happy. Sometimes people still smile even when they do not feel so smiley. It’s the thing people do for many reasons, really. They are just complex with all of their story. And we human often are difficult with feelings, but it is always good to let things out than to bottled it up. Because the explosion might not be pretty. So please just be kind to everyone, baby. Because we all deserve of being loved just as much as everybody. The messiness, the cra...

People used to say this particular saying “I love you from the stars.” but I don’t think that’s for me, though. “I love you from the heart.” is the phrase that is more like me. “I love you so, so much than I love life itself.” I lied when I tell you that I’d be better off without my husband lol, I most certainly do not. Sometimes I’d like to think that way because he’s just been away too much. It’s almost has been always me & my baby. But hearts don’t lie either 🤣 My happiness scale is through the roof whenever he’s around, and I think it rubbed off to my baby. He’s extra happy whenever his dad is around. They would play together for hours with so much hearty laughs & so many cuddles. He will stay awake late at nights only to welcome his father home, then resume their late night shenanigans. I really love nights when laughter is in the air. With mama it’s calm but with papa it’s fun, I guess. Let’s just accept that mama is nowhere near him in terms of being funny. She’s dull, ...

You can still fly when your wings are clipped, right? Yes, it might be hard. And yes, you will stumble, oh you will even fall. But that doesn’t mean you can’t. It just means that you have to find some other ways to fly. So I watch “The Unbreakable Boy” yesterday and the movie brought me to tears. Such unbelievably good children with great parent. The movie is bare, very full of trust; vulnerabilities, strengths, and heart warming emotions that is very beautifully portrayed throughout of it. It’s from the same director Auggie in “Wonder” but in this one, the main character is Auzman. Auzman is a little kid with OI (Osteogenesis Imperfecta) and autism. And being a little kid, he sometimes wants to be as strong as his brother but his bones never allowed him to do so. So over the years, he become strong on something else instead. He become the mascott of his school. Someone that brings joy and light to everybody he passes by. Auzman sees the best in everyone, even the school bully. He shin...

I know your eyes are wide open, child. Because you come crawling to your mama. You toss your body left and right; restless from the sudden wakefulness. Then mama soothe you back to sleep. She will pat your back gently while whispering her magic words : “You’re okay, baby. You’re just startled. You’re okay, darling. Shh, shh.” “It’s all right, baby; I know you’re afraid. Mama’s here.” “I’m right here, baby. You’re okay.” Then (somehow) you always reach for her belly button for comfort; then your breath deepens, it starts to inhale then exhale slowly. Ever so slowly but sure. You’re finally asleep, again. It occurs many times at night, baby. And mama’s okay with that. Mama’s okay with being your everything.  If we associate memory with feelings then I hope these feelings stay forever. The feeling of love & being loved back, the feeling of immense happiness, the feeling of being safe and sound, the feeling of.. everything. I hope it stays forever. And I hope that we stay forever t...

I have hope for my child For him to be as free as he like. To be as thoughtful as he could be, to be responsible for his choices, and to be happy for his life. For him to be kind to everyone around and even kinder to himself; being proud of the child he was, the boy he is and the man he will be. To love and be loved abundantly, admirably, fiercely and deservingly. I wish for him to  treat people the way he wants to be treated. If we look out for people; people will look out for we. I wish for him to be truthful, both to other and to himself. For the truth and the light will guide him home, no matter  how dark the road might’ve become. And last but not least, I wish for him to be brave. Brave enough to search for his cause, to  pursue it and to live for it because that  cause is the essence of one’s true being. It’s the beacon of our light. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 21 Februari 2025. Hari Jum’at, pukul 5 pagi.

My husband has a very kind eyes, you know.  The type that emit kindness & calm to  everyone who sees. A clear, beautiful eyes. My father also has kind eyes, very much like  husbando right there. My baby has curious  eyes while my brother and my mother both have sharp eyes. You can learn so much about a person from their eyes only. It is said to be a window of one soul. I was once (well, twice) fell into my hazy state. My eyes were very cloudy with self hatred,  thousands of worries, sadness; loneliness & everything. I was paralyzed, unfocus & very weary that you  can literally feel how tired I was. I feel tired to my bone and all I want to do is climb onto my bed and go to sleep. Just gonna sleep the day away. The occurrence saddens my father so, so much that his shoulder was slumped; his eyes darkened, he’s beyond exhausted &  very overwhelmed. For the first time in his life, my father didn’t know what to do. But he still showed up. He...