I exchanged
view lately with a friend of mine, to which she said : when we talked about our
problems with someone, we already know what kind of response that we wanted
from that particular person. We have our specific wishes. By the time they
didn’t meet that expectation of ours, we got upset. So we must manage our expectation instead. We can’t control their
response to what we’re about to say, because they too, haven’t been prepared
for what we will be saying. They haven’t gotten their “try-out” before, plus
they also don’t have their second try out to make up for what they said to
us. Feelings are so complicated, once we’re hurt, we bleed for life.
That
conversation gave me an idea to make an article about expectation management. I
feel that most of our problems rooted from our own expectation, not
reality-based. Our expectations hurt us. We want it goes this way, that way, in
any way possible but the truth. I feel like we disrespect others by making our
own assumptions about them. We refuse to see them as they are. We might ended
up saw them only as our “vessels” to lighten up our feelings, to brighten up
our day, because when they fell off our expectation’s chart, we got angry.
You
can’t control what others say, but you surely can control your expectations of
them, then control how you deal with
their response.
You all must have heard a saying that
says “assumption kills” right? I’m sure you do. My assumptions nearly killed me.
It paralyzed me so, so bad that I’m able to do nothing. And the more I did
nothing, the more depressed I became. It’s like a never-ending vicious cycle of
evil-ness. I have had a couple of breakdowns these past few years and most of
them happened because of my own assumptions. I assume that all of my friend had
left me alone, that no one care about me and the saddest of all is that they
need me no more, that I’m an insignificant, replace-able human being. All of my
assumptions were not true, of course. They do
need me, I have my own role in their lives which can not be replaced by anyone.
Because anyone is not me. Alas, alles gut in the end because I also learnt how to be
strong by my own.
By managing our expectations, we
prevent ourselves from getting hurt. We know what kind of people they are, what
response they will give and maybe our conclusion being that we shall not
talk to that particular person about a particular subject. And that is okay,
protecting yourselves is okay. Or we can re-think how should we talk to them,
in what manner should we present our stories so it will lead to the outcome
that we wanted. Or we can step back, take a deep breath and talk to them when
we’re ready, in an already calmer manner. Doing those things could save our
relationships.
So let's learn to manage
our expectations, shall we?
Happy learning!
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