The Little Women

She believed she was feathered, from   long ago. But now she’s not so sure  anymore. It’s probably gone, stolen or even drown. And she doesn’t know by who. It might be her neighbor, her siblings, her  surroundings, or even herself; at some  point. Sometimes she might do that to herself. She unfeathered. She stumbles, she  fumbles, lost then never found. No matter how hard she miss that someone that she once were. But then the feather grows back little by  little & this new feather is even better. It’s stronger, it’s shinier, it’s way  prettier than her old ones will ever be. Turns out this new feather is equipped with  her new skills; the one that she got along  the way from her interactions, her thoughts & her feelings. Also, the books that she’s read. Then she realized that we grow ourselves a pair of new wings every single day. Because we never quite the same as we were yesterday. So I just hope that we’ll be patient enough to let ...

Then the third breath suddenly appear. It is calm, it is kind and it is lovely. Our happy days are just about to get happier. The last piece of  our song is finally home.  Then cheerful chatter, smiling faces and hearty laughs will be heard all around. It will be heard all year round. No more video chat; no late replies; zero unanswered calls. They will be answered in actual time by the actual person in a heart to heart conversation. So thank you for holding up this far, us. It’s not easy and it never will be. For what must be three then went down to two, oh I’m just so glad it finally passed through. So kudos to all of us, cheers! Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 22 Januari 2025. Hari Rabu, pukul 2 malam.

I guess it’s true what people say That a mother’s love knows no bound. I’ve spend day & night with my baby, yet I still dream of him, can you imagine? 😂 It’s like I’m dreaming with my eyes wide  open and I remember the dream so vividly.  The way his mouth formed, teeth clench  then saying “iiii”, the way his eyes sparkle so bright when he laugh so hard, even when he walks with his eyes down (😂) Yes, he never walk straight. He either looks  up or looks down; almost the whole time.  Some walking styles that he picked up from God knows where 🤣 Everyday had been so tiring, Yet everyday had been so fun. I woke up & fell asleep with big smile on my face, thankful for the day I’ve had. Thankful for the baby I have, the support system I’ve got and the life I’ve lived. I guess life offers a lot to be thankful for, right? Please say thanks to whoever you hold dear; for standing by you in smile and in tear. And praying for you, no matter far or near 🩷 Ananda Kh...

Come, come take a walk with me, baby. Take a walk with me on  this beautiful tapestry. “Is the tapestry always this pretty, mommy?” the child asked. Then the artist answered “No it’s not, baby.” “It was messy at first, similar to pure chaos. I don’t know what to make or even where to start.” “But then a path opened up. And it just keeps opening and opening up. Then the pattern formed, the colors added then suddenly, oh suddenly I can see it. I can see the art.” That is when I learn to enjoy & trust the process and really believe in myself. I even enjoy the uncertainty of it. Because truly, sometimes the only shackles is me. Me & my self doubt only. Oh please baby, please just watch what you can do when you are finally free. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 16 Januari 2025. Hari Kamis, pukul 7 pagi.

  Can I hug you just a little more, only for a little while? Because apparently this time doesn’t last, baby. Nothing is. And all mama could do is just hug you, savoring every precious moment while watching the time flew by. From mili seconds to seconds, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks and so on, and so on. Then suddenly you’re two. Tomorrow you’re in school; and the day after? You’re moving out for college. It’s like time has its own agenda, right? I wonder where I’ll be after all those years,  I just hope that I’ll be beside you like always. Hugging & praying for you, like always. Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 14 Januari 2025. Hari Selasa, pukul 6 pagi.

Gloomy day doesn’t seem to take my worry away. So many thoughts swirling through my head no matter night or day, when sometimes I don’t even know what it say. I just know that I worried night and day. Is there some way to clarify, some ways to make it go away? “That’s what being a mother is.” people always say. You always worry night and day. Between yourself; your family; your baby, then back to yourself; your family; your baby. And the loop circles back over and over again. Oh do you have any say on how to make the worries go away? Ananda Khaira Azizah, Pekanbaru, 12 Januari 2025. Hari Minggu, pukul 4 sore.